I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
