Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
