yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
