I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
