your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I cockslap morals
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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