Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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