Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
