I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
