Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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