Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
