we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
