I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
