Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
