How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
