Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize