just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
