Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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