After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
