My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
