eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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