we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
