I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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