is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
