I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
