I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
