If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
