also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
