You work out of a Hotel?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
