She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
