Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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