Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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