I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
