Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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