Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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