Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
