...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize