I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
