I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
