i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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