i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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