Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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