it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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