Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize