The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I believe in your delicious
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
