What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
