On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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