At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
