Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
