i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
