you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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