i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
