im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
