Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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