I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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