if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
