i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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