So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
