I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
