Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
