His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
