my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
