the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
