my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
