I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
