after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
