he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
